If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
"Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president."
"For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off."
"I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing."
"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
"He couldn't ad-lib a fart after a baked-bean dinner"
"Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place."
"If variety if the spice of life, marriage is the big can of leftover Spam."
"The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
"The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money."
"They say atomic radiation can hurt your reproductive organs. My answer is so can a hockey stick. But we don't stop building them."
-- Johnny Carson
The writers of The Simpsons have never revealed what state Springfield is in.
This page was last updated: August 9, 2007
